Hi everyone, hope youre doing okay tonight.
For the longest time now, Ive been wondering if i somehow force myself to be sad. Like, ill realize that i havent been extremely down for a few days, and ill think something like, "hey, thats odd, im usually depressed by now," and then ill just keep thinking about that over and over, and some small event will become a big deal to me suddenly. Then ill read sad stuff online as a coping mechanism- even if im not really t o o sad at the time. But that only makes me sadder, and ill realize what ive done and get depressed. but then im confused on whether or not that is real, and i begin to doubt if anything i think is valid. then i begin to doubt myself, future, and my relationships, and thats usually the low point. sometimes ill start obsessimg over something else, or sometimes ill kind of let it go and feel numb/okay for a few days. and that is when the cycle starts over.
i am not currentlt diagnosed with anything.
sorry if this is the wrong form for this? im really unsure whether i should put it in the obsessive thoughts forum or not.
any words of advice/someone who feels the same, anything really, would be appreciated.
Love, Eskie