]Many therapists promote talk therapy to heal attachment injury... and yet clients spend most of the time in an abandonment state.

I hear what you are saying. Clients go to therapy about once a week and are left in abandonment states in between. I did that. First T inconsistently reinforced me (answer my email, call) -- and intermittently responding to a babies cries, is thought to create a preoccupied attachment. (Bowlby, I'm not sure if there is new info.)
My current T is very consistent and tells me that is his goal. He rarely takes off, he is always on time, he always answers my texts and answers them empathically. He always tells me that it is okay to text him, and now I believe him.

At first, I did spend a lot of the time in an abandonment state, but this has lessened and I am feeling grounded much more frequently. I still have abandonment states but they are less frequent and less intense. This is after five years of consistency. Yes, I still have times when it becomes somewhat intense and that's when I post about it here, and text T if I need to. I still have episodes.

I think that fewer Ts know how to deal with attachment issues than ones that do. It makes me sad.

As far as what to name it, I would call it Interpersonal Relational Therapy. I say this because it is thought that attachment issues arise from interpersonal relations issues (often mother/child). This is where the parents, most of the time not purposefully, fail to validate a child's various ego states. (my take on what I've read)

Human attachment is generally characterized by lots of contact. Therapy inverts that, and calls it healing.

A lot of people are hurt by therapists who don't get it. Some Ts who assume things like clients are being manipulative/exaggerating emotions, ____fill in whatever negative cause____etc., instead of looking for a real root cause for behavior. I agree that therapy can't redo what wasn't done completely, but for me, it has made a big difference. Again, I have bad days/times still but am so much more functional at home and work. Therapists should warn people of the dangers that therapy may cause, such as when a patient has a lot of difficulty dealing with the limitations of therapy. I have done a lot of healing, but I will never be so called normal.

Shouldn't it be called abandonment work rather than attachment work?

Some therapists think abandonment/attachment issues are due to OCD. They think that thinking of the T is the obsession and calling them is the compulsion. If this were true, and people treated attachment issues with OCD treatments, which I suspect has already been tried, we would have a cure now. I believe that it is due to relational trauma, due to parents often inadvertent disavowal of parts of the child that the parent doesn't like. If a parent has a part that she disavows, then the parent will do the same to the child. I believe this disavowal of parts can cause a personality disorder. MOre on OCD. . .

Isn't this (small doses of contact, extended withdrawal) a recipe for crashing affect regulation and inducing addictive patterns?

Yes, it absolutely can be and is. The more I trust my T will be there, the less I need to text him generally. It feels addictive, it feels like OCD. But I believe that healthy attachment much improves the mental health of the person. Because it is that important, I think (but don't know) that maybe the OCD nature of it makes it more likely that the child will attach to the caregiver. I wonder if toddlers feel OCD like. ? If the child does not, the OCD like attributes of seeking a trusted adult ensures that the person seeks the attachment of an authority figure and thus, bettering mental health. Yes, it does at times cause a crashing effect, which in turn may increase the need to contact.
I'm not sure if it's a recipe for crashing affect regulation and inducing addictive patterns, even in the best of circumstances crashing affect and OCD like behavior are unfortunately part and parcel of both successful therapy, and become devastatingly debilitating in unhealthy therapy. Again, this is just what I think, may or may not be fact. I am open to other ideas.

And doesn't this conflict account for much of the traffic on therapy forums?...
therapist on holiday
therapist not replying to text/email
googling therapist
trouble coping until next session
obsessive thoughts
etc.[/quote]

Yes. Again, it is part and parcel of attachment therapy and unfortunately ends up in termination/failure/abandonment more often than it should.

I am very lucky and know it. (And was very devastated prior to now at my termination) I won't be cured but am already better. My T goes on holiday next week and instead of needing to contact him because of attachment, I desperately want to text him what happened after therapy a few days ago and what I worked out. I don't know what to call this, but it's different from the abandonment text. OR is it? I don't know.


I get that you had an excruciating, unfair termination and you have every right to question, be cynical, angry at the system that allowed an incompetent T to retraumatize you. My termination was painful and I will never forget it and I get how you feel and I also see the benefits if you can find a competent T. Take care.

.