Hope, what is it you are wanting when you post threads liked this? The first post about the letter, a lot of people said it was a bad idea, not to send it, etc, and you did anyway. Then, in this one, the responses were the same. It was suggested to not give it to him, but you did.

Are you wanting honest advice, or are you wanting us to just tell you what you want to hear so that you can justify it?

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but I am confused. Like has been said, when someone expresses something in the thread that goes against what you want, you go into self deprecation.

You aren't a bad person, at all. To me, it seems that possibly you didn't learn healthy relationship habits and behaviors because you didn't see it growing up. I know that is how it was for me. Any time anyone showed any interest in me at all, I went all in, even if I could tell that the person was not good for me. I was basically raised to believe that nobody wanted me or to be around me, because of how my mother was. So I felt that if someone showed interest, then that was the only option. It took years to learn what a healthy relationship looks like, and it took years to be able to stand up for myself in relationships. I was always the one that got broken up with, never the other way around.

Healthy relationships need to have a level of equality. This man is your pharmacist, and you are the patient. There is not equality there, right now. He is an authority figure to you, which also makes me concerned, since this pattern has happened with a T and a pdoc as well, for you. Leaving out any legality or ethical concerns, your pharmacist has a level of control ov ER whether or not you have medication until,you see the new pdoc, yet you are still obsessed with expressing your feelings for him. Whether you see it or not, it is unhealthy and somewhat self sabotaging to keep trying to pursue this.

Everyone that has posted in this thread and your other threads is trying to help out of a place of care and concern for you. We want what is best for you. We are not trying to make you feel awful. It seems to me that you cannot see the situation the same way we can, because we are outside of it. I know for me, it is getting frustrating, because I can see so many people trying to help you, but the impulse keeps winning. There has been a lot of good advice, good suggestions, that has been all but ignored.

I just want to make sure that you get what you are looking for when you post. Are you wanting advice or just sympathy and empathy? I'm wondering if part of your reactions may be bvecause you aren't truly wanting advice, unconsciously. If you do just want empathy and sympathy, maybe making that clear in the beginning would help...

I really do hope that this situation works out as best it can. I don't want to see you get hurt, but know that we will be here if that happens.

Chaos