I've lost all my friends, due to them moving away and a fallout with a person, we've ben close friend with for over 10 yrs... and the rest of the random group shunned me alongside with her. I had to protect my kid, so , I did the right thing... but I have no one left.
I swear people only use me for free childcare.
I see, when people don't give back, but I don't want to force them, cause then they wouldn't do it for the right reason anyway. I feel like I keep giving and it's all going to some big Black hole and nothing's ever coming back.
I don't need anything, just to be appreciated back.

So, with no family around (over a decade) and no friends left, I feel so lonely and can't stop doubting myself.
I just feel like I suck.

I sucked as a kid - I was the fat fatherless kidwith no money, I sucked as a young adult and still am, as a muddle aged parent, who can't get her life together.
I am so scared of messing up my kids' future by raising them to be like me - no social skills, no family, no friends, no future.
I feel like a failure and can't stand myself. I want to give them everything I didn't have ... but am not doing a great job with that. I have heavy things on my heart, and no one to share them with - I wouldn't want to upset my long-distance parents, who couldn't help and don't have anyone close and caring enough to talk to ... I've been dealing with it for years and put on a happy face, bit I'm so tired and hopeless.
I will get up tomorrow again and take the kids out for a day of errands and we will bake and hang out ... but I just can't handle how empty I feel.
So, I found a completely random forum and wrote it here ... that's pretty miserable and pathetic, I guess.
I just feel like I really suck.