Thank you both. Trigger warning (I don't remember how to make one): I asked him because I'm feeling suicidal, but I didn't want to mention that in the email so that if he didn't have an opening, he wouldn't feel bad. Last time I was very suicidal, he brought me to the hospital, and this sounds TERRIBLE but I feel mad at him because it's like he's the reason I'm alive. I know I should be grateful to him but I just feel p*ssed right now.