So you have seen this person for years? Presumably you have had a trusting, beneficial relationship with her?

I'll be totally honest and I am wondering if you are engaging in "splitting." You seem to be blaming this therapist for all suffering and bad things that have happened to you since this diagnosis.

You want her to apologize and she goes mute. From her point of view, she has nothing to apologize for. All of these diagnostics are subjective. Even the DSM criteria are subjective. She felt you met the criteria for what she considers to be borderline. And, from her perspective, your intense anger about this and your vilifying her (splitting) feels like further evidence that you indeed have this disorder, since those are some of the criteria.

I guess the question I'd have is, what prompted you to get an independent evaluation at this particular time? What was the motivating trigger? Why trust the independent evaluation over someone who has known you for years? Do you not think it is possible that two therapists could disagree on a diagnosis? And what's more, do you not think that these diagnoses are somewhat subjective in nature? It is not like you get a blood test. I feel like borderline and other disorders exist on a spectrum, with some people meeting the criteria to a T and others tending towards borderline traits.

I also personally think that a diagnosis is not, in the end, all that meaningful. What matters is who you are and how you deal with things and how a therapist can help you achieve your goals, both emotional and otherwise. Does your therapist help you? If she does, I can't understand firing her over this. The two of you do seem to be at an impasse. In my experience in therapy, ruptures can be the most productive part--if they are repaired. Only you can know what your relationship with your therapist was like, but if there were good things about your relationship, and if she was able to help you, maybe really, really try to see if you guys can work through this. If all you are doing is demanding an apology that she will not give, you are not going to get anywhere, and you may lose a relationship that has been valuable. Could you explore with her what an apology would mean to you? What it means to you if she doesn't apologize? Can you envision any way the two of you could go forward without an apology? Can you see it from her perspective at all? Do you think she has any legitimate point of view?

If this has been a valuable relationship to you I can't see why you'd want to lose it.