Calilady--
Attachment can be so confusing. I have a preoccupied attachment although it is better than it used to be. I'll tell you how I would interpret this by I know this is coming from my point of view so it may not even come close to your reasons. I used to go home from therapy frequently and think of everything I said and pick it apart and I would perseverate over possible things I might have said that might cause a rupture in the relationship. I wonder if maybe you don't want her to be angry with you as that could possibly sever the connection and cause her to leave? Maybe she is/was very important to you (like a parent). So possibly you don't want her necessarily to see you as weak (maybe you dislike that you perceive yourself as weak) but maybe this relationship was more like a parent/child relationship. I have no idea if this is anywhere near correct but thought I'd try to help, and sorry if I didn't