Thank you so much for taking the time to respond, Jennifer!
And for your kind words.

I have tried community art group - ironically I was the only person to show up. I tried hanging out with people, when my older kid was small and would gost all the events and always have her friends (and parents) over ... but that ended in them moving or cutting me out (it is for the better as I did the mature thing and called out a clique mentality and stepped on some toes with that - so, it is healtgier for me not to be involved ... but I don't work, don't go out outside the kids' activities (same groups, a bit of an elite neighborhood, where I struggle to fit in with my heavy accent and simple life). I just feel inferior- a feeling, I always have felt and am too quick to take on.

I really don't want to throw myself a big pity party - my life really is wonderful in so many ways and I have so much to be thankful for ... yet I feel like no one (but my kids, husband and parents) cares about me and I have to work so hard to get acceptance even by people I don't find to be good or kind humans, that I actually would want to interact with.

I will keep on keeping, but I think, cause I used to have a loving bestie, for many years, and caring close parents and grandparents, when growing up, and leaving them all to move here so long ago, has left me an empty shell with noone to tell me it's going to be OK. My husband works 24/7 and the people I do meet up with, occasionally, are long time friends, but we lack of closeness and have convenience friendship with.
Augh. Long whiny story and just a first world problem again.

I'm really apprehensive about therapists, due to financial and hopelessness reasons.