Very good points @mostlylurking

And my T wasn't adept at these issues, but also, it activated her own attachment system. She avoided me. Pushed me away. Couldnt handle what I was feeling and she lied to me about cancelling an appointment. In only the second phone call in nearly a year and half, she became frustrated with me and I could hear her ambivalence towards me and I felt so awful...for her. I went into caretaking for her, putting my needs on the back burner.

Reenactment and retraumatization ensued. She may have tried to start to pull us out of it (at the end), but then she coped with that by lying. It was done and there I was heartbroken, feeling everything I did as a kid.

I know what secure attachment should look like, but I knew how to get there, I wouldn't need therapy. Lol.