How long have you been seeing your t? I've been seeing mine for a year now, going 2x week for about half of that. It's taken me some time to get to where I'm even starting to feel comfortable asking for what I need. I wouldn't beat yourself up. For me, I had to start feeling more secure in our relationship. And I still feel doubts and insecurities about being too needy. It may take you some more time to get there. Keep us updated. If you're still feeling suicidal post here for support. I've been suicdial to varying degrees for a couple of weeks now. Get support wherever you can find it.