Sorry you are having a tough time right now and no need to apologise.

How unfortunate to find someone who you think you can build trust with and for them, then to need to take a break. But September is not far away now.

Emotions can be strange things (for me), sometimes they seem to illogical and overwhelming, but I can never think myself out of them and they seem to have to take their course.

I get, that it seems hard to see another T while your T is away, but maybe, particularly if you are losing some consistent family distractions and you can experience darker thoughts, another T, just to check in with while your T is away, might be helpful?

Post away on here too. There is generally lots of support here, even if no solutions, a place that might help with distractions.

Take care.