I'm kinda down due to life events. I'm also concerned for a friend. Was supposed to see him yesterday but I never heard from him. My mind always goes to disaster. It's possible he just doesn't want to talk to me but I'm afraid something happened to him. But I'll never know for certain if he doesn't contact me.

I'm feeling down on myself a bit. Afraid I'll never find anyone else. Like I had my chance at love with my husband but then I killed him and now because of my behavior I will never find love again. Karma or something. I feel so horrible for how I acted in those three years before he died. I know it was my fault he turned to drugs and ultimately my fault he died. If I had gotten my bipolar under control sooner it wouldn't have happened. Now all I can do is hope I don't do the same thing to my son.

I'm sorry. I'm just not feeling well at the moment.