colleen i know how hard this is... and yes, he may always be there even in your head... but, you will get to the place where he can't control you... i know that sounds really hypocritical of me because i was stuck in flashbacks last night... and i felt anything but in control... but, i was ok for over 12 years... i had a new issue trigger all the old stuff... my present collided with my past... you can do this...be careful to separate the behavior from who you are... you si... but si doesn't define who you are... am i making sense?... last night i walked outside barefoot...it helps ground me... hot showers do too... just be really careful... i can't do that anymore...lynda