((((((((((((((((Sarah)))))))))))))))))))))))))

I am so sorry you endured what NO CHILD should experience. Unfortunately, a child doesn't get to pick who their parent is and sadly a lot of children suffer because of how a parent or parents are disturbed, abusive BAD human beings. It sounds like your father is/was a psychopath and unfortunately, these individuals can hold a place in society where their true nature is not recognized because they can fool others and act charming and seem like a person who is in control of themselves in a "healthy" way. They even have the ability to fool their wives. Look at Scott Peterson, his wife probably never saw the true danger in him and his inlaws most certainly did not see it.

The problem with most people is that they WANT to trust so this makes them malleable to believe someone who they clearly should not trust like Bernie Madoff for example, he sure convinced even the best and brightest and most successful and many were too embarrassed to admit he scammed millions from them, people like Stephen Speilburg who was taken in and fooled and lost a lot of money. That is a kind of "rape" too you know, only it's more psychological than physical.

It's GOOD that you have distracted your mind and you put effort into your work. The "good" about this is how even though you have been traumatized, you are still "navigating" on a positive level. Human beings are all born to "navigate". This is essential for our very survival.

Unfortunately, when it comes to human beings, there are human beings that are born predators. They hone their skills for one reason only and it's not the victims fault when the victim simply fails to recognize a predator, the ones who are skilled tend to get to be good at it. They don't always look for the "weak" either, some of these predators actually are more drawn to individuals who are strong, outgoing, and successful. So in that alone, anyone can become a victim so it's not just you or your fault that you were a victim.

Give yourself permission to still have goals, be a productive individual, continue to build your skills in your life to continue to navigate YOUR life and try not to allow your past or your history with your father to take away your right to have your own life and to help your own beautiful daughter to do the same.