triggering..








This is my opinion... for my life... not for any.. any other DIDer's out there..

I repeat... this is for my life ONLY....

I put this post here... because if pain... could kill... I would not be here.... that is the amount of pain that I am in...



I did not choose to be DID..... I didn't do anything.. in life... to choose DID... I try to live my life responsibly... I try to be consistent for my friends... I try to keep my pain... my past pain from them.... because.. they do not want.. not can they bear to hear it..

I cannot be consistent.... I just cannot be.... I have alters... and my alters are very very different from each other... it has always been that way... people notice... yes they do.. when I worked... people noticed... big time... and my manager would call me in and say... that others noticed that I was so very differerent on different days..

I made my self "the best"... at work... progamming... specialized myself... so that I could have job security.. if they couldn't find anyone else to do what I did.. then they made consesions... for my differences... I hid myself in a profession of people that were "known" to be different anyway..

I don't want to be DID... the people around me... I hurt... yepper... because I cannot be.. the alter they want me to be... and I cannot control that.. I am not that good... and the host... is not around... my DID is on the severe range... so alters led "my" life... I talk as I am the host - but I am not.. I am an alter.. a powerful alter... but an alter all the same...

so.. I also... do very out of control things..

the T view... is that alters seek to put themselves in the same position where they were hurt in the past... and that will allow them to work out a more successful solution...

IT SUCKS.... beyond hurting me... and putting me in terrible danger... I also deal with people judging me.. by standards that I cannot possibly met...

sooooooooooooo today... if a person could die from sheer pain... then I would not be here..