Thank you... I wish I could.....I wish... that communication... and better yet.... agreement would happen... but it doesn't..

Simple.. things.. seem impossible... my alter.. that had no coat as a child... goes all winter.. wearing no coat.. no hat.. no boots... and... she does not get cold... but the rest of us do... 19 degrees... and no coat... never a coat.....the T.. tells her.. wear a coat... we are cold.. she listens not.. we cannot overcome her decision.. she is not cold....can't force a coat.. or hat.. doesn't work like that...

That.. is just a simple thing... the complex things.. are more impossible.. and cause.. the imense pain of the past.. to be in the present..

and who really cares.... I mean really.. who really cares...

and sometimes.. I do wish that the pain would just make me die....seems like a solution... the world.. would have one less person to judge.. to try ... to convict.. to find wanting.. and useless...

Just so very.. very much pain.... and no relief... no T.. for another week.. and even if he was here.. what could he say....work harder.. try harder...

tired... bone... tired...and found "wanting"... by the people that love me...