I felt kinda same way once, My older sibling made fun of me when I got a girlfriend in grade 5,
After that I was a little apprehensive of getting another girlfriend.
I liked being called handsome, or cute. But me telling a girl she is sexy is kinda hard for me.

I didn't like exploring my sexuality much either, But that left me broken and insane.

I'll never be in a relationship, and will always be rejected.

I just take it one day at a time now, Trying to lose some of the expectations I had for myself when I was young. Think thats all I can do.