Depression is still crushing me but today has been a bit better. I think getting out of hospital for hours the last two days and going to the gym has helped. Today I just went to my parents and hung out with them. They are such a great support. My lifeline right now. Soon, hopefully, I will be allowed unescorted leave and will be able to go on walks and possibly even drive myself to university (not sure if I can drive after TMS). Today I also had my first day of productive study - I actually think I leant something and am closer to being ready for my test on Tuesday. I can only do my best.

I have been sleeping 12 hours a night plus an hour nap during the day. i think I am going to ask if I can hold back on some night meds; I take 25 mg of Chlorpromazine, 20 mg of Temazepam and 10 mg of Saphris. I would like to back off the Chlorpromazine first if possible. I just hate waking up feeling like I've been hit by a truck and then feel drugged for an hour or two.

TMS starts tomorrow. They say positive effects usually don't start until the second week so I will have to be patient and try to be hopeful that it works on me. The depression is hell but at least I am stable there and not swinging up and down anymore. I think that might be the Lamotrigine kicking in. I am at 100 mg now. I am on so many meds. I hate it. My pdoc is hoping to stabilise me on Lamotrigine, Lithium and Saphris with Clonazapam PRN. Then slowly take away the Saphris and see how I go. Well, thats our medium-term plan.

I must be doing better today because I usually find it so hard to post but here I am jibber-jabbering away. HUGS to all who need them. Although I don't respond to many posts I wish you all well and care about you.