Everything is back...my old life is back. The name calling, the guilt, the expectations, the screaming, the drinking. I am a stupid person for trusting....forgive me, I never trusted them, but at the same time i wondered if it would get better. Nope. I got my answer on that one. I cannot do my normal "coping mechanisms" because I am going for job interviews in the next week or so. I remember at my old job, this one interview lady checked our backs for sculiosis....i was lucky she didnt see the rest of me. If I get an interview at the hospital my stepfather works at. I will be screwed and with no job...and probably wont even let me go home...since im there throw me in the psych ward....and give my stepfather a bad name...(dont mean to offend anyone but thats how they think here) Im all alone.....being emotionally and mentally abused again.....im just waiting for the physical. How come God didnt stop this? Am I really such a bad person. First I lose the love of my life then I lose my home, then I am brought all the way back to people who abuse me and hate me. Come on, sometimes a person just needs a break. How about a break??? Please....im begging.......no more...white flag of surrender...see I surrender...isnt that what everyone wants to see? I give up...they win......just dont let this go on anymore.