So many people here suggest that I go to therapy. I want to improve myself but everything is just so overwhelming. If I am to consider therapy as an option to improve myself, I want to know how it can help me. In particular, I wouldn't mind some advice on what type of therapy I should seek and how it could actually help me.

With that being said, for those of you who don't know me, here is a bit of information about myself:

I come from a background of deeply seeded abuse and neglect by my mother. Without going into too much detail, my mother lied to doctors about "problems" that I had in an attempt to get me on a bunch of medicines that I didn't need. I don't know why she did what she did; it could be either because she wanted to control me or to garner sympathy from people; IDK. Additionally, she would tell me how I would never be able to take care of myself because of my "issues". She had me on 8-10 different pills that I didn't need because of my so called "issues". If I acted out, she would threaten to send me to the hospital. She had me sent to institutions on more than one occasion for acting out against her. At one point, she even lied to the cops and told them that I assaulted her and had me sent to juvie when I was 10 or 11 in handcuffs and shackles and all that all for getting angry and throwing a fit because she wouldn't let me go play outside and make friends. She would always tell me about how I'm dangerous to other children and it isn't safe for me to go out side so the only things I could really do is play with computers or read. I had no social life and no friends and I've been having to learn how to take care of myself as an adult all on my own because she wouldn't bother teaching me how to survive on my own; insisting that I would always need somebody to take care of me.

As an adult, life has been hard for me. I'm 26, yet I never learned how to drive, struggle with cooking meals for myself, and never had a girlfriend or experienced love. I have difficulties connecting with people or understanding my own emotions. I'm good with computers, technology, video games, and that sort of thing, yet I struggle with people. Additionally, I have a deep craving for connections with people that I never had a chance to feel. I struggle with being angry and envious towards people who have loving families and happy relationships. I have a degree of anger and resentment towards women because I crave love from one that I never had. I find all of these emotions so confusing and overwhelming and wish I didn't have feelings at all.

I have a need to be accepted by people that is so extreme that I have all of these grandiose ideas of starting a business pertaining to technology, gaming, or the internet and becoming wealthy so people pay attention to me and accept me. I struggle with connecting with people and I don't know how to get my needs met without arguing and fighting with people. I have a lot of hatred and anger towards others for not caring about me when I needed somebody the most.

With all of this being said, how could I even begin to help myself? I am currently a college student and I met with the student therapist there a few times, however, I don't know if I can get a lot out of seeing her because I used her as a professional reference because I was desperate for a job because I was struggling to support myself and I am afraid if I told her certain things that it would hurt me professionally. Additionally, I don't drive and I am still having to take driver's ed because my mother never let me learn how to drive myself so I won't be able to get a car for at least 4-6 months and I am dependent on riding the bus which takes me upwards to 3 hours just to get to and from school. Because of this, I am so busy during the week between being a full time college student and working 20-25 hours per week as a student employee to support myself which will make seeing a therapist off campus difficult for me right now.

I was thinking about at least using the student therapist to try to get my feet wet so to speak with therapy and try to learn what kind of therapy would work for me but I honestly don't know where to begin. I also don't feel like I'm ready to face all of these painful and overwhelming emotions right now, yet, I am tired of being chronically lonely and unhappy. I don't know what to do.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.