I am getting along really well with my T and her staff. But something happened Friday with her receptionist that we're going to have to talk about:

I have been with this T 3 1/2 years.. We have talked about good touch and bad touch ...and sorta have this routine now of walking to the waiting room together after our appointment where we hug goodbye. I have conflicted feelings about hugging goodbye, but I like it and appreciate it more than not. She's told me it's always up to me whether we hug goodbye or not. It's not been an issue lately.

But Friday, T walked with me to the waiting room...there were maybe five other clients there waiting for their T. We hugged. Then the friendly receptionist quipped, "Hey, can I get some of that?" I know the receptionist didn't mean anything wrong by it. She was kidding. The receptionist and I are very friendly. I don't want her to get in trouble. But it triggered me all over the place. It felt like a spotlight had been turned on me. I felt embarrassed and guilty like I was caught in a room full of people doing something wrong. It was like a large 'good' intimacy bubble had burst.

I tried to joke back about it and left.

I'm going to have to ask T about it. Actually, I've already emailed her.

I think T hugs clients goodbye in the waiting room so there are witnesses to protect both of us...I mean, if it happened in her office, anyone could allege anything. Other people usually are not in the waiting room or reception because most of the time I see T on Saturdays. She hugs other clients good bye. I've seen her. But not all.

We don't touch each other in any other way. 'Touch in therapy' is an especially sensitive topic for me since I'm an therapist abuse survivor.

There are so many good, healing reasons for me to accept her motherly hugs...I'm saddened thinking maybe I should end them?