((((Kiya)))) I am so sorry, maybe yourT just didn't relay the message to the front desk that it is your time slot, and she will correct it........

It is 2:00 am and I tried sleeping and cannot, it is two weeks now since I had more then a few hours sleep at night, the dreams are awful and vivid!!! Do you think this is all coming out because of my husband and I are not even speaking anymore? we share a house.......doesn't even feel like roomates anymore, he hates me and wants me out.......I don't blame him.........I am not worth being around!!

I need a hug.........my kids hug me, thank god.......but I feel so alone and cold inside right now, my suicide other is so dominant right now, it is hard to keep fighting. My T told me in a email yesterday that I have made wrong decisions since the abuse started 30 years ago. That it wasn't my fault, but how I grew up thinking that things were mine to keep a secret and keep everyone happy, and from the choice of taking care of mom and forgoing my career to marrying my husband that just stepped in and took my fathers role as dominant. I never saw him that way, I thought he loved me, but T says you cannot love someone and abuse them, not in the true sense someone loves someone and wants the best for them always, abusers can care and be gentle at times but only for their own benefit.....it feels like my entire life is one sided, like I loved and thought I was loved........ that is so sad to think about, how can a father not love his daughter? I hope my father is happy how his daughter turned out!!!!