She left it a little over three weeks ago, the same day she rec'd my termination letter via mail.

In her VM (voicemail), she tells me that she thinks it's a good idea to move forward and end therapy and I can find someone I'm comfortable with. At the end, she wishes me the best and tells me to take care. Painful, AF, even if I can hear her trying to be a good sport about it. She repeats herself a lot and stutters once or twice.

In between all of that, she goes onto to say that I was misunderstood about her cancellation. In my letter, I told her I believe she skirted around the truth about why she cancelled. She went on to tell me (in her voicemail) that because she's "known me for a while" she would say her grandmother had cancer, had a stroke, and passed and she had to left town abruptly.
I strongly believe that this is not the case and not how things went down. Prior to that, our sessions had become strenuous. I could hear ambivalence in her voice towards me and felt awful...for her. She was frustrated and sometimes, harsh and cold. She spoke to me in ways I had never heard before...we had hit a therapeutic impasse and I'm not sure she knew what to do about me. Our sessions had gone from (what looked like) two friends laughing and having conversation about my crap, to her being involved in it and it turned into a slog.

After hearing her VM today, I was so upset that I nearly emailed asked her for a termination session. She didn't offer this to me in the nearly two minute long message and in my logical mind, I wouldn't want one anyway because I don't trust her, do not feel safe, and I would believe she would be disingenuous- wearing a mask of sorts- but she did say I could call her to talk about it, which is what she would like (she said).

It hurts to know she's still clinging on to this...skirting of the truth. In regards to her cancellation (and she saying she had to leave out-of-town), I saw her the very next morning walking into a restaurant only two hours before our sessionand the following day- she and her boyfriend were golfing. I know what I feel and if I distrust her this much, it means I've already shutdown in many aspects.

It's just hard. I miss her so much. The person I would have talked to about this was her and now I don't have that. It was very hard to hear her voice again. There is no point in speaking to her and during our last conversation over the phone- only the second phone call in a year and a half- I could hear how ambivalent she was and brushed me with a cold professionalism that anyone on the outside wouldn't see an issue with, but felt like aloofness to me and how close we were.

I can finally unblock her now from my phone and email, but I'd like to find closure in this. She wished me the best of luck and to take care.

I don't want to re-open a painful can of worms and ask for closure from her- which, despite my avoidant ways, I usually ask out of that rare woman I attach to- and instead, begin to move on.

How do I heal from this?