Hi LMo ...

Personally, I think your brother has Caretaker Overload ... a quite UNscientific disorder that comes about when one person is the SOLE caretaker for too long.

I helped my mother care for my father during the last year of his life, then just 8 months later, Mom got cancer and I was her sole caretaker for the next 7 months. Recently, I was asked to take care of my aunt in Florida during her last 10 months. In between, I had times where I could barely take care of myself, but that's another story!

My Aunt was a wonderful woman and has 3 children. Two lived far away and a son in town. He's a very busy attorney, though he stepped up and took her to all her doctor's appts. BUT ... I was the one there 24/7. As she declined, there were were foods she liked better, there were ways to circumvent problems, there were ways to get her out of a bad mood, etc. (Who knew me singing "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" would make her pee?) The thing is, I knew because I was there ... all the time! It was hard to see anyone else help her because I had MY ways ... ways I knew worked. It was hard to let GO.

Eventually, it dawned on me that I needed to get away for a couple of days. Caring for someone 24/7 is the most demanding JOB I'd ever had ... and I'd been with a major law firm before becoming disabled. Her daughter flew down and stayed with us for 2 days as I tried to show her everything that worked. I finally had to realize no harm was going to come to her if I took off a day! She'd be fed, she'd be changed, she'd have clean sheets ... and someone who loved her, too, was going to be doing it.

Maybe your brother feels that way? Like he's the ONLY one who knows because he's the only one who sees your dad every single day, 24/7? Maybe you need to suggest a couple of days away next time you fly out? Let him show you what works with Dad, then assure him Dad will be OK in your care because you love him, too. Promise you'll call immediately if you need help or if Dad takes a bad turn. Tell him he will be a better caretaker when he comes back refreshed! He doesn't need to go far ... even a close, nice hotel would work. He needs the break, Big Sis!

(((((((LMo))))))) You're doing a fabulous job, too! Keep up the good work and know I'm thinking of you. God promised He wouldn't give us more than we can handle, so stay strong and trust in Him.

GoodMama