Not only could I see no future but I knew there was none in the place where I was. Only more of the past as long as I was trapped there.

After numerous suicide attempts thinking that was my only way to escape where I was, a door opened up after my mom died. It took me several years after the final trauma I went through to be able to function enough deal with what I had to take care of & in my case, I know that it was God that put things in place at the right time & way made things happen so that I could walk through that door & never look back with any regret other than wishing it had happened sooner (not under my control so just thankful it happened when it did)

It was after leaving that all the support & good therapy opened up. Like you, i hated group therapy before landing 2 years in an intense DBT therapy group with the most outstanding group leader. She taught it like a college class in how the mind works. It just all started to make sense & it was the first group I was ever in where participation & asking questions for clarification was not only encouraged but comfortable to do. For all of us, DBT was like a foreign language we had never encountered before. It was such an awesome feel as each us us had our lightbulb moments in how it applied to our own personal experiences.

I still had no vision of my future. Just took one day at a time. I had never owned a small farm before or lived is a small town so everything was new & being a small welcoming town I started to feel safe & met people who cared & who were easy to care about & my wellness has & is growing from there. Love my single life even though I have had to learn how to be a plumber, a mechanic (lawn tractor & truck), & overall handyman. I still have no idea of my future as I struggle to afford fencing & all that is needed to finally get my horse here. But my daily existsnce is so enjoyable after all the crap I lived around all my life, whatever the future holds will still be so much better than the past that I can see myself in my future no matter what happens now.