im not telling them everything about my drug use right now, since i started again i got tired of hearing the same stuff over and over and everyone blaming it on the surface

i guess thats part of why i got worse and dropped boundaries and started using harder drugs even

soon i'll talk to them about the truth though, i just dont feel like it right now because feel like im going to hear the same speech... but its like no one cares why i get high or that i get high for a reason, everyone just thinks that getting high is the problem and that im not getting high because of problems...

i might have holes in my brain or something by now..
so i know there are problems with getting high, its just that i've got problems even without being high or the addictions...

i know my addictions and having dual diagnosis complicates it but i can't help it.. its really hard and i just try to cope the best way i can to survive in a dark world

im trying to stay away from heroin which i end up using something else so that i dont use heroin because heroin will numb it all and make me fall into a place where i can just be... i am an occasional user on all the hard drugs and i want to keep it that way but im worried about it...
dont want to become physically dependent...

im afraid if i talk to the clinic about the drugs they will get mad and stop seeing me or something.. or it will make my treatment even worse...