I'm feeling hurt because my t offered contact while she was in Portland this week and then barely gave me the time of day. I'm going through a lot of stuff right now, including serious problems with my mother-in-law's dementia and my husband's multiple health problems. That is in addition to my own C-PTSD, GAD, and DDNOS. We have also been processing some early trauma, which has brought up some difficult feelings for me.

When my t told me she was leaving town for 10 days, I wasn't planning on asking for contact. I told her my goal was not to contact her while she was on vacation, as that feels wrong. But she told me to drop that goal and save it for a time when I felt more stable. She knows I'm going through a lot and she has said more than once "I am there for you." She even said "We can make arrangements to talk on the phone every day if you need that." (Of course, I didn't take her up on that offer.)

On Monday, I emailed to let her know how things were going. My mother-in-law's condition is grave, and I'm worn out by the constant crises at the nursing home and distraught over my mother-in-law's failing health. She has been like a mom to me, and the thought of losing her kills me. I poured out my heart in my message to my t.

My t responded with just two sentences that sounded like canned statements that she quickly typed off and sent without giving it more than a few moments' thought. (My assumption - but that's how it felt). I couldn't even relate to the second sentence. It didn't fit my experience or situation at all.

I felt really hurt and let down because I expected more support than that, and I was confused about how her statement even applied?? So I emailed a second time and let her know I felt hurt and why. She did not respond.

After a day or so, I emailed and asked her if she had received my message. She replied Yes, said she had started a reply and then decided she wasn't going to try to explain herself in an email because things get misconstrued.

That made sense to me, but what didn't make sense is why she didn't offer an alternate way for us to clear up the misunderstanding. She didn't explain in a voice mail, or offer to touch base briefly by phone. She didn't even reply "I think there has been a misunderstanding. Let's talk about it when I see you next)." I felt like she had dropped the ball and just decided to ignore me.

After another day went by, I emailed "It seems that you have decided not to communicate with me, so I will respect your decision." No response.

When her trip was almost over, I did send one last message (I know, I didn't live up to my word). But I was feeling so angry and hurt! I couldn't understand why she would insist on offering support and then not follow through. This isn't the first or even second time she has done something like this. It has been a recurring problem in therapy, and we've had to talk about it before. Afterward, she usually says she wants to work on regaining my trust. But at some point, she offers outside support and then doesn't follow through again! Each time this happens, it triggers my old issues. Each time, I end up wishing I hadn't reached out for support to start with! So I told her this in my email.

She finally replied, telling me that she was glad I expressed my feelings and that what I wrote would inform our work. She then said she was sorry I was finding things so difficult right now.

I feel so confused! Why did she ignore me up to this point? It's nice that She keeps saying that part of our work is to heal those past experiences and for me to learn that I can rely on somebody to be there for me when I need them. So why does she keep encouraging me to reach out for support and then barely respond?

Otherwise, she's a great therapist, very patient and hard working with me. But when it comes to giving any support being the therapy hour, she lets me down! If she doesn't want to give this sort of support, why keep offering (or at times almost insisting) that it's OK for me to reach out for support that way?

After so many times of this, I'm starting to feel tricked. I've canceled my session for this week because I feel frustrated and hurt, and angry even. I don't want to talk about this AGAIN.

I feel awful.

Am I expecting too much?

Peaches