Hi Golden Eve,
I understand your feelings. Good news: You can change the way you feel about yourself. Not so good news: It takes alot of work and doesn't happen instantly.
But, you are worth it, so no better time to get started.
Read positive, inspirational things. Say affirmations to yourself. I know it sounds cheesy, but it works. It really counteracts the negative self talk we are programmed with.
When I am really in a self-loathing mood, I can help myself by looking at all that I have that is good. No matter how bad we have it, there is always someone worse off. I try to visualize someone who has it rough, but makes a good life out of it. Netflix has several documentaries, one is called Happy. It reminds me to be thankful for what I have, and appreciate instead of complain.
Also, no one is perfect. We all have bad days. Give yourself a break, and try to learn from the behaviors that you want to change. It's a process. Maybe start journaling with some goals in mind. Be kind to yourself, and soon you will see that you are a very lovable person! xo
Sans