It's like a miss her companionship. She was right what I needed when I needed it the most. She was like a friend and she admitted if I wasn't her client, we'd prob be friends, but our dynamic blurred boundaries and made things confusing. I was leaving my husband, transitioning my sexuality, going through all of these things all at once and she didn't judge me. I could feel it. And she made me laugh and smile during a crisis. I guess I miss her companionship.

It got rough at the end. I feel like she bailed when things got tough and that she used my feelings of loyalty against me (not intentionally).

I guess I miss the way things were. We had hit an impasse and when I told her I was ready for her to dig deeper and "trigger" some of my attachment trauma, she refused. Our next session was supposed to be about my treatment plan, but really we didn't talk about that at all...we pointed the finger at the other and I sat there and allowed her to be harsh with me because I didn't want to act out.

I miss the potential of a friendship that could never be and I know I'm not looking at this in its entirety.