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Old Aug 21, 2017, 01:24 PM
Anonymous55498
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Calilady View Post
It's like a miss her companionship. She was right what I needed when I needed it the most. She was like a friend and she admitted if I wasn't her client, we'd prob be friends, but our dynamic blurred boundaries and made things confusing. I was leaving my husband, transitioning my sexuality, going through all of these things all at once and she didn't judge me. I could feel it. And she made me laugh and smile during a crisis. I guess I miss her companionship.

It got rough at the end. I feel like she bailed when things got tough and that she used my feelings of loyalty against me (not intentionally).

I guess I miss the way things were. We had hit an impasse and when I told her I was ready for her to dig deeper and "trigger" some of my attachment trauma, she refused. Our next session was supposed to be about my treatment plan, but really we didn't talk about that at all...we pointed the finger at the other and I sat there and allowed her to be harsh with me because I didn't want to act out.

I miss the potential of a friendship that could never be and I know I'm not looking at this in its entirety.
Well, then it's not so much the therapist that you miss, but other things that existed more in your fantasy?

Also, it sounds like whatever happened with/around her, it did trigger your attachment difficulties? It's so sad that this happens in many therapies and then the Ts don't know how to deal with it, or make it even more destructive. I hope you will find someone who will be more responsible/helpful. Or perhaps just try to work on the attachment stuff in everyday reality, with good friends that you trust and you could talk with them about these things directly?
Thanks for this!
koru_kiwi