I am having a really crappy weekend. I feel like I could burst into tears or anger. I feel depressed and irritated.
I feel left out and if I want to do anything fun I have to do it by myself. I know I sound really whiny and I am.
I feel like my "friends" that I have like me alot when I am doing something nice for them or a favor but then I don't ever get a call to do something WITH them. I don't have alot of friends here but I just feel very un-included. My best friend here has been pretty busy all summer. The only times I have really seen her was once when we went out and once we went for a coffee for an hour. The only other times it's been when I get there to babysit her kids or when she gets home. I know she doesn't mean to make me feel like this but she does.
I have been trying so hard to feel better and keep on top of the depression but I don't really have anyone to share my good mood or days with so I end up getting sad or irritated. Whats the point of a good mood when it's just me.
My husbands around of course but we don't share anything together. It's me doing my thing and him doing his. He doens't have a desire to do anything with my friends and his friends thought I was a bit** for long time until he finally told them otherwise but it is too late and we aren't included anymore otherwise just he is invited.
I want a social life beyond Grohols forums!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry, just needed to vent.
I know alot of people here don't feel very important to the people around them and I am no different.
It isn't because I am not fun, not smart, not good enough, it's that the people around me are too busy with thier own things to realize my worth. That's the way I look at it anyway. I know who I am. I just need to find people around me who want to really know who I am too. I don't get it though. People always seem to like me alot but then I never get the calls or invites. I invite them and they come, I call and it's good to hear from me. I do something nice for them, a card, a call, a gift and they are so appreciative but why is it that it never happens for me? How come the calls, cards and invites don't come? I don't get it. People seem to enjoy my company, think I am funny, had a great time, gotta do this again.....nothing. It's always been like this my whole life. I just don't get it. It makes no sense. When I have a good time with someone I want to see them again. If I think someone is nice to be around or funny I think of them when I want to do something. I don't get it.
Ok, I'm done. Maybe I'll feel better after my online screaming?
Heidu

Every path to a new understanding begins in confusion- Mason Cooley