8pm session so I'm super tired writing this. This was an extra session T agreed to because of the rupture.
First I talked about the physical pain I've been in as a result of stress over the rupture. Then I asked if he had any answers to my questions. He did kinda, but I didn't find them very satisfactory and I was frustrated because we seemed to be going round in circles again.
Then he started owning stuff. He agreed with me that when he said I want him to show me love, part of that feeling might come from his own desire to show me love. I said I don't mind owning part of that but it didn't feel like it was all me.
He said he had been confused by the affecting him thing because he thought he was restating something we already agreed about. I said but this feels more like you're suspicious of me. He said he thinks I could have picked up on something he's not aware of, seen as he can sometimes be paranoid and I grew up with a highly paranoid mother so I'm hypersensitive to it.
Then he started saying we don't know how the journey will be when I move and I interrupted him and said I wish he wouldn't go on about this, I already told him it won't change.
He said he totally owned the anxiety about the move and needs to work out where it comes from. Then he went wide eyed. I said "have you just worked out where it comes from?" He said "yeah. I am anxious because I don't want you to leave before I'm ready." He said that's interesting, and that it's never happened before (which is astounding given that he's been in practice 40 years). I said it was a good topic for supervision and he said definitely. I told him i love that he's so willing to reflect.
We looked at each other and he said "It feels a little better" I said "I think so too". I briefly told him about a job interview I had, then we hugged and I left.