Thanks everyone for the continued support, it means so much.

I have given up on finding a T at the moment as financially its just not an option anyway.

There are no support groups anywhere near me at all that can really help me with this as group therapy will I feel only increase my rage anger and hatred about this whole situation I am dealing with.

At this point I am just not able to be Verbal about it... Typing this thread has been just terribly hard and that's putting it mildly.

My husband has processed this much faster than I and trust me I am beyond grateful for his sake. I just dealt with things that he didn't have too.

So where does that leave me ? same place mentally as I was with what will be 4 weeks ago tomorrow.

Will I survive this ? Yes. I just want the nightmares to f****** stop somehow. Yes this is where Therapy could possibly be helpful I know.

So for now I try to keep busy and also post on PC to threads to maybe help someone else as its a good attempt to get out of my own head.

Thank you all again