Quote:
Originally Posted by kecanoe
I had a similar problem a while back, T1 was out of town and said I could email. I sent a long email, got back a short response that felt like a brush off. I don't remember what it actually said but it was something along the lines of "thanks for sharing your thoughts with me". If he only would have picked out one thing I said and actually commented on it...
So, yeah. I think I understand what you are feeling. I do agree that working things out via email is tricky, and probably best avoided. I think your t should have responded in some way when you sent the email that you were hurt.
What I had to do with T1 was negotiate what felt like support via email, and we had to do it in person, after he returned. It seems so blindingly obvious that the kind of response you got is not support-but it sounds like your t thought she was doing the right thing.
Since it sounds like she is good in session, perhaps really clarifying what is supportive to you when she is away would be worth it.
And, it is definitely not your fault. She was not helpful-and to not respond at all was worse than not helpful in my mind.
|
Hi Kecanoe,
Yes, it was both the length of her reply and the wording of it that felt canned. The first sentence was a repeat of what I'd basically told her ("I know it has been difficult for you dealing with B's health." The second sentence said "The mindful moments you share will be difficult and gratifying." That last sentence did not resonate with me at all when I read it. I had been telling her how distressful my mother-in-law's condition is, how she hates where she is, refuses to eat, and repeatedly pleads that she just wants to die, and other horrible things like that.
To have my t call the situation "difficult" felt like minimizing how bad it was. To me, it feels more like a nightmare. Also, what I'd told my t about the situation felt anything but gratifying. So her reply just didn't fit for me. It didn't seem very connected to what I'd told her, and I had the impression that she had just scanned my email and quickly pecked out a reply without giving it more than a few seconds' thought. That's why I felt so hurt. Then, when I told her I was upset and she ignored my messages, the hurt turned to anger.
To be fair to my t, I know she dislikes email and would prefer that I call her if I am in a crisis. I resist calling because to me, it feels more intrusive than email. Also, it's easier for me to explain my feelings in email. I'm not very good at spontaneous, off the cuff phone conversation. It makes me nervous, and I feel like there are weird silences and times when we both start talking at the same time, etc. I guess maybe it's easier for me to express myself from a distance too, especially if I need to say I feel hurt, upset, etc.