HI,
I'm new to this board for various reasons...some I can share and others I just can't right now. The issue that is on the forefront ...my second marriage of 9 years is dead after years of counceling and seperating to try to make it work. I have 3 sons from my first marriage. He left after 10 years for greener grass and has been an awful time because we hate eachother so. He contiues to torture me emotionally after several years of divorce. I married this 2nd man on purely a rebound impulse and we have a 6 year old daughter together. ...she is my sunshine. My sons are 19, (at college, 1st year)16, ( at wilderness camp but is coming home soon a new man!) and 14 (has had open -heart surgery and is emotionally behind because of it). I have had numerous issues with 2 of my sons but am begining to see the light at the end of the tunnel for them. Thank God. My husband emotionally abuses me and has done the same to my sons but for some reason...that has passed for them and he actualy likes them etc...now the problem remains with us. We are not friends and have never had anything in common. He just has never understood me...liked me for who I am and what I beleive in, or what my interests are. We are miserable. I have left him twice...trying to protect my kids. but each time I came back after several months because I beleived the lies he told me and wanted so badly to have a family intact. It has been an exhausting rollercoaster and I just don't know any answers anymore. Yes..we have been to pastors for counceling and professional counselors but would become so angry at the sessions we could never sick it out long enough to get any real help.
s of now I am homeschooling my daughter but will probably have to put her in school next year and get a job so I can leave for the final time. I have love for this man but it is mixed in with soooo much hurt, resentment and pain that I just can't see clearly. I want out and I want peace.....I struggle with this daily and know I'm not alone. I jsut need to connect with others that may living the life I am. I know this is long and if you have read this far...thank you. Please help me. I am reaching out which is very difficult for me....it scares me but I am desperate at this point.