btw / i thought ya'll might be interested in reading a few of her love texts to me. she's a good if not great writer and has a way of drenching me in endorphins such that i lose all sense, common or otherwise. to orient you a little, i've been having some trouble with my balance. she lives on the west coast, i on the east. we nearly broke up again last tuesday.

Yesterday evening:

I hope you regain some balance tomorrow. Is there anything I can do outside of jumping into my rocket ship and speeding to you on the jet stream of love? I know what you mean by feeling pixelated...it’s not a good feeling at all. it’s kind of depersonalized, at least my experience of it. But you did have a lot to deal with recently, including our almost destruction on the way to the airport on Tuesday...so ****ing glad that I changed my flight and that all was so good after that. I am going to double down on my efforts to be as clear as possible and communicate what I am feeling as close to the moment as possible. I am totally committed to you, sweetheart, and that’s the difference I feel about all of this. I feel you aligned with me in such a wonderfully interwoven way, one that isn’t worrisome, but that in fact is so exciting I can hardly wait to write to you again, talk to you again, dream of you again, touch you again in my dreams, and then touch you again when we finally return to each other.

Later:

Wonderful dreams to you, my love. I would do just about anything for you. Please to note qualification of “just” includes impossible things like robbing a bank, becoming a hermaphrodite, signing up to be a devotee of the Rev Moon or his ilk, or jumping off a cliff, or becoming a cannibal or worse. Won’t do those things, but if you ask me to, I will make sure I take care of you forever. Which I will do anyway because I love you. I LOVE YOU, [[insert my name].

Later:

And now I go to sleep. I just changed the sheets after a very long time, which is not like me at all. But I smell like Chanel and I am as happy as can be to get in between these nicely stretched sheets and get ready to meet you in dreamtime. I adore you, my love, and crave you, want you, desire you, and will wait for you. We’ll talk soon. Good night.

First thing in the morning:

And good morning, my sweet. I miss you, and love you!

An hour later, after I haven't responded:

Are you alive, honey? Should I be worried? What if something had happened to you...how would I know?

*******

how can i not want to trust and carry on with a woman who says such wonderful things?