I relate to almost everything you said here. High school was awful! My big bro is here visiting and it feels like there is no space. I always wanted to live in NY but he lives there and lately, I feel I need so much space that I need to live all the way across the country in LA. I've even been thinking of leaving the U.S. I need to put him out of my mind and see him not as my family sees him (sacrosanct) but as a mediocre idiot still trying to find his way. I've always felt the need to be alone, away from family, because they don't even know me. Not saying this is what you should do, or that I have figured out the solution, just felt like sharing