Maybe you are in some kind of denial about your mom? I m not a doctor or therapist so don't take me too seriously just saying. I feel aften that i reaally don't care when people die, as I've learned as an Irish Catholic to throw a party after someone dies. That is what I want people to do when I die. My sister died in 1987, i was devastated, but now i rarely think about her as i think it would freak me out I think it is a defense mechanism. i really don't think a person does not have to feel guilty for putting a parent in a nursing home where they will be taken care of continually. I would want to be in one too, so as not to be a burden to others too. good luck