Well it normally does get worse before it gets better,especially if you're working through hard things and emotions you've kept stuffed down inside.It takes a long time to work through the past and get to the other side of it.

I think I remember something about you going to a specialist or something?Whatever happened with that?There are other therapists out there that can help if you're ready and willing to put in the work.

But,I won't try to push that or harp on it,I think you've already decided you're just going to continue as you are and thinking you're hopeless and helpless so I will let you continue to do your thing without butting in anymore.I hope wishing things will change on their own without having to do any work or make any changes works out for you.