edited to delete what was written here previously. there's nothing wrong with me. I need to get out more. I don't have relationships because they are inactive. For example, I don't want to change anything about my relationship with my mother because this indifference is working; we don't fight as much. I do not think it is the right time to criticize my callousness towards my mother or wonder why I don't have any relationships. I probably said goodbye to her/dismissed her a long time ago.

Perhaps I do avoid people and maybe that is also the reason why I have never met anyone I want to have a relationship with. But I am focused on school and my career, and having a relationship would cause me a lot of distress because it would make me think about my childhood, and I also like to be free.

I don't think there's anything wrong with saying that a relationship is too much for me to handle and I can't have one. I should just try to be less wary of people, maybe. Maybe I will talk to those people again. They seemed fine, normal, meh.