I've done too much stimulants. Now I don't care anymore. I wanted to go to school and get a job and have a life but my motivation is dead. Dopamine dysregulation. All I want to do is lay down and do nothing I don't care anymore. Even the serotonin stimulant didn't make me happy.

My positive schizophrenia symptoms are fine but the negative symptoms are way worse and I didn't even think about the negative symptoms.

I have to go to work tomorrow for 9 hours. I feel exhausted.

I didn't sleep last night. I just layed there scratching my skin because I decided to drink some water for once so the toxins can build up and thinking about life.

Yesterday, smoking medical weed made me realize that I'm really depressed and it's because that's just how I am that's my personality now not like when before I was depressed. Nothing gets me high anymore. Nothing makes me happy anymore. Why do good people die, why do people hate, etc. That's a part of the reason I hate life. And I have to try to defend myself from people for what?

I analyse the truth and I don't want to be fake. But the truth is sometimes something that I don't want to understand. And that's the point =[

I'm such a good person to other people and life but that comes with this curse.