You are learning how to utilize your intellect to control and understand your emotions. This can be quite the challenge when a person has been emotionally abused or emotionally neglected.

"If I do something BIG then I will get attention and respect".

History shows us how this ideal can be positive OR be something very negative and destructive. This is what I was trying to show you in another post I presented to you.
When I talked about how human beings have created "super heroes" that have been presented in comic books, it became popular. Also, people have taken these heroes and made movies out of them and we have learned that these movies were very popular and often made huge sums of money too. Yet, this is nothing new when it comes to human beings because we can also see this when we read about this in human history where human beings began to create "gods" and mythical beings with special powers.

What is interesting about how human beings do this is how it can lead to "innovation and invention". For example, if one thinks about Star Trek, they had a form of communication that was not something "real" in humanity, yet, now people are using this "idea of" having this communication devise in reality. In history individuals were imagining the very planes and air travel that we now actually have in "reality". It is often suggested that we have been visited by aliens because we can see some drawings/art with some of these ideas. But, IMHO, this is something human beings were simply "imagining" just as human beings have done in recent history where these magical ideas became something "real".

Hedy Lamarr: Invention of Spread Spectrum Technology

Hedy Lammar is only one example of how something "imagined" can become something "real" and she was definitely way ahead of her time when it came to envisioning something significant that solved a real problem, something we still use in the present. I pointed her out because I can see this has been your area of interest and talent as well.

Human beings have always struggled when it comes to "emotional challenge", however, human beings have also done some amazing things in their effort towards overcoming. The important thing to pay attention to is learning how to channel this challenge in a way that is productive instead of destructive.