I would say that I desire connection, friendship, and a boyfriend a lot more than I feel I actually get.

I have depression and mild social anxiety (and have social phobia in some situations), both of which create distortions in my thinking that make me not want to go out and socialize. With anxiety, I'm afraid. With depression, I just don't want to.

I have to also say, I just listened to the psych central podcast on loneliness. I really don't like things like this sometimes, because they make me feel worse. "Did you know you're going to die early because you are lonely?" Thanks. "Did you know that loneliness is worse for your health than smoking and obesity?" THANKS, I get it. Usually they give helpful info in the ending on how to overcome loneliness. So at least there's that. And I guess I am inspired by the message: it's unhealthy to be lonely (and also freaked out by it...)

Things I already do to ward off loneliness:
1. Volunteer (it's 1 hour a week though, so I need more to do)
2. Groups (I go to a meditation group, sometimes I drop in on a knitting group, meetups, a yoga class).
3. I signed up to take a writing class in October. That's a ways away though.
4. The gym.
5. Talking to strangers already (ok, its more...smiling and saying "Hello").

Things I could be doing more of / Things I don't do but should + want to:
1. Show up consistently on a regular basis to commitments I rsvp to, say I'm going to go to, or just put on my calendar.
2. Join toastmasters
3. Make more of an effort. Talk to people.
4. Ask people to hang out. Like the receptionist at the place I volunteer at. She's so nice.

Note: Sometimes, I think that all I need is a distraction when I'm lonely or depressed. Sometimes, when I'm lonely, or sad, all I need is to sit down, and knit while listening to music. Or write. It makes me feel better. Because sometimes, its not possible to connect right then and there.

I also find, that if I want a job, showing up is KEY. Its also important to me to be reliable and show up. It makes me feel better. It makes me feel good. Even when I don't feel like it, and then do, I usually feel glad I did such and such activity.

My goal: to be more connected in this world, everyday. (To make friends. To be able to take rejection gracefully and with confidence. To be kinder.) To be busier and show up consistently and reliably.

I will do this by going to the DBT group I just joined and practicing the skills I learn, reading material about making friends as an adult while being shy and on how to overcome loneliness (and then applying the stuff I learn), showing up to social things I commit to, problem solving when a problem arises for me, and being compassionate with myself (and other people).

I will no doubt get frustrated and depressed sometimes. I also feel good about putting this into writing. My therapist knows I'm working on showing up. But the socializing / making friends / connecting with people is not really a goal I've talked much about with her even though she knows its something I want.