Thanks for your reply. I will try to speak with a therapist, since I will need help dealing with my thesis advisor *facepalm* but... I don't know where to start. I seem to have so many problems, but I'm also fine. I have no problems. I know I need to do the therapy work myself and they aren't there to help me, just to stare at me haha. How do I know where to start?

I found out that my previous therapist had been talking about me in the counseling center at school. Another therapist said she had a profound connection to me... whatever that means. Kind of like my thesis advisor saying to someone else I'm the darkest person he's ever met. I don't know whether I should be flattered or offended.

I'm not too worried about my attitude toward my mother. I think like Bill said, I have mourned what never was, enough to have already grieved her. The physical body of my mother is still living, but she is nothing to me. She has not really impacted me for a long time, and when she did, it was really stressful.


As for not having relationships, honestly, I'm struggling to see why I would even want one. There are upsides such as: I would have someone to give me cuddles, and theoretically I would not be alone, and have more of a safety net financially (but I will try never to rely on another person. That makes me want to hurl.)

But the downsides by far outweigh the upsides: they are a lot of work just for a cuddle, and yes, you are still alone, and you have extra fights and misunderstandings and a lot of stress. There is no freedom, psychologically, physically, career wise. All I want is a cuddle (seriously, that's it) but when do the arms around you become prison bars? I don't want to have to manage another person. I find it hard to believe that I would ever like someone enough to go to all that effort.