I've made a post about this subject before, a while ago. It was a different famous guy I had a HUGE crush on, but got so obsessed with his personal life and past divorce because some of his music was so intense that it triggered a lot of wounds from my parents divorcing. I couldn't stop thinking negative thoughts, about him and his past relationship woes, depression, imagined fights, etc. It actually prevented me from living my life and being productive.

After a while I started to fear that my obsessive thoughts would cause him more problems due to the power of the law of attraction. I can't decide whether or not I believe that so literally, or whether it's a bunch of crap. But then he started to appear miserable and no longer had a wedding ring on his finger, leading me to totally melt down and believe that the worst I feared actually happened; that I CAUSED his new, happy marriage to end with my obsessive negative thoughts about him.

And when I say melt down, I had regular panic attacks. Almost every single waking second of my life was severe anxiety, shortness of breath, crying, disassociation, eating problems, digesting problems, etc. The guilt of what I allegedly did to him that I couldn't stop was eating me alive. My panic was so constant that after pacing around with thoughts swirling I decided to play a YouTube guided meditation about anxiety and obsessive thoughts, with tears streaming down my cheeks, BEGGING for rest from my misery. It miraculously worked, and I was able to relax and take a nap for a while.

I was going to therapy before and after this happened, and eventually started to unravel some past traumas from my parents divorcing that may have contributed to how I think and react now. [trigger warning]
It was horribly toxic. They both fought constantly in front of us, and my mom took it very hard and pitted us against our dad. She even told me she considered hanging herself in the laundry room of our new place, a while later. The only thing that made sense for why I would feel so guilty is that somewhere deep down, I may have subconsciously believed that I CAUSED the divorce. Somehow, telling myself that I must have deep down believed that, regardless of how illogical I know it is, made me immediately feel better about those traumas.

One of the other major things to get me off that guy's obsession, though, was to dive into a NEW celebrity crush with a new guy- one much more positive and funny. That way I could stop the obsessive thoughts by replacing them with the fun and love of someone else.

This worked for a long time, and I was happy and free from my past obsessions. I even stopped going to therapy because my therapist and I mutually decided that I was doing well enough to make that step.

This new guy, though, also makes music about relationship woes and past hurts, and has a bit of a dark sense of humor sometimes. I've found myself lately getting caught up in worry about him, too. I mean INTENSE worry, about someone I don't even know, yet I think I do, to the point where it distracts me from my real life.

Today he made a social media remark/joke referring to wanting to end it all, and I broke down crying, and posted threads of concern in a couple fan groups. Then I decided I better do something, before I regret having done nothing, and actually sent him a personal message on social media. I wished him well, told him how much I loved him, that I was REALLY concerned about his recent remark, and that he's not alone and should reach out if he needs to.

A little later, comments poured in to my threads on those fan groups from other fans, saying it was clearly just a joke, he's talked about being really happy lately (even though I don't believe him that much), and that I really shouldn't take this so seriously. Filled with embarrassment (and a little relief if everybody is truly right and it's all in my head), I deleted those threads, then hurriedly deleted the direct message I sent.

I don't think my therapist and I talked enough about WHY I'm so deeply, obsessively concerned about the mental health of people I don't know in real life and have no connection with outside of a fan basis. Because I haven't stopped.

It's not enough to just say, "Oh, it's fine, it's their life. Don't worry about them. Just enjoy their work." or "They've got family and friends to care for them. It's not your job." I still can't shake the visceral worry about them.

Now my main emotion is pure embarrassment. He does seem to be happy and have higher energy today after that initial post that scared me, so maybe it was just dark humor and nothing more. I hope all these people who saw my posts don't think I'm a loser and a freak. I may have already lost tons of respect from people. One of those groups contains a few people who are ACTUALLY friends of him who would see that, and I made a concerned post like that before. I'm worried about cultivating a reputation of me being an obsessive, pathetic loser stalker that nobody has any choice but to look down on and avoid.

I especially hope I didn't offend him with my well meaning message, if he even read it before I deleted it, thinking that I'm treating him like a baby and not like an equal, strong person who's capable of living his life. Perhaps I get so worried like this because I want control... that's what I read whenever I try to Google "being overly worried about somebody else" over and over and over again to try to find SOME helpful advice for my situation whenever this anxiety pops up. I usually get accusatory, negative answers; being a selfish control freak, caring more about yourself than others, being manipulative, etc. I'm not trying to do that.

Maybe I do this because my mom has always babied me and I can't tell her I'm feeling bad without her freaking out and asking a bunch of follow up questions, instead of just telling me what I WANT to hear: "It's okay. *insert sage life advice*". I should probably also mention that I still live with her, in my late 20s, and think of moving out but know she reacts VERY negatively and hurt to the very idea of me leaving and "abandoning" her.

For years I've thought about getting into a REAL relationship with a guy so that I could stop obsessing over celebrities, but dating has never worked out for me. It's always ended in quick disappointment and pain. So I've stopped even trying to date. How am I supposed to NOT be desperate, in any situation? I feel like I can't stop going into over-protective, over-caring mode making people pity me and avoid me. My mom is like that too. I DO NOT WANT TO END UP LIKE HER. How do I stop?