I'm not in a good place right now, my mind is all messed up. Had an appointment with my T before she goes on a 2 week vacation. We talked about some core beliefs and thought distortions I have. I'm not happy with my life in general right now. I feel like I don't know how to be a proper adult at 31. I can change, I feel like I SHOULD want to (which I can't say to my T, she hates the S word). I just don't have the energy or motivation to do so. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist to discuss my meds next week, and while I need to tell him everything I'm feeling, I don't think it's a problem that medication can fix. It's just me being lazy. He's given me the option to up the dosage on what I'm taking (trintellix) and I was supposed to, but I have problem staying compliant with the current dosage I take. Mostly because I hate taking it, not because it has bad side effects or anything I just hate that my being stable relies on a pill. I think it also has something to do with the fact that it doesn't provide any instant relief. I can't stop ruminating and having these depressive thoughts and it doesn't make the depression go away, it just makes my episodes shorter. Which is probably the best it can do. As much as I want it to be, realistically I know it's not a magic pill that will solve all my problems. But I don't know what to tell my psychiatrist. I haven't seen him in 3 months and last we talked I was suppose to up my meds, which I never did. I feel guilty because he's doing what he can but I'm not. It's just a waste of his time