I think the idealizing stopped once you found out about certain things that could never happen. Although idealizing feels safe and wonderful, it is actually quite healthy when the opposite happens-- it just feels scary and unsafe. You felt rejected-- so why the hell would you idealize him then? Of course things have changed. But now you will start to learn that it is okay to hold multiple feelings for him all at the same time. And neither will either "ruin" the relationship or "cure" you. But I think it will enhance the relationship and your treatment dramatically-- providing you talk to him about this of course!!