So I was starting to get positive symptoms of psychosis so I went to sleep. I’ve had a life changing dream. I can’t tell you all the details but I will tell you this..

There was a beautiful massive garden full of trees, plants and grass. I was driving through it recklessly in the dark while snorting 1, 2 and 3 (The 3 worst drugs - One short acting cardiotoxic stimulant, one long acting neurotoxic stimulant and an opiate). I was making pathways of dirt and devastation to the garden and I was seeing my life in front of me but for some reason, I kept driving because it didn’t feel like it was real life. It just felt like some kind of fun stimulation getting away from reality and I still kept driving because I didn’t know how big the garden was.

There was this card that I would get these girls to kiss a card with their different coloured lipstick and I would put it on the table and put the lipstick on my cheeks so I could enjoy ecstasy with them later because monoamine neurotransmitters are involved in dreams too, just like what ecstasy does to the Vetricular Monoamine serotonin Transporter 2's (VMAT2) in the brain as well as the long acting strong stimulant (Which is why they are both very neurotoxic to the brain). Well in real life, I fell asleep on ecstasy because it didn’t get me high probably because I was alone when I did it so it never happened but beside the card was a hole to the other side of the garden. It was the underground part where the rain would leak and it was made out of stone on the other side.

When I was driving recklessly through my garden, I would take benzos with the drugs which would turn into liquid and I would drain down that hole and fall upside down and hang on for dear life and scream in the cold and rain.

Then I saw a few of my friends from high school in Ireland sitting in the grass in the fog in the morning and smoking pot and asked me where have I been all my years?

I was talking about all these amazing things about all the trees I was planting and the girls I was with before trying ecstasy and then all of a sudden it started raining because I realized that there was no garden left and I was telling the garden owner about all these amazing things about all these trees that I was going to re-plant again.

The trees were all gone. I could see nothing but dirt and rain. The garden owner said, that’s really great that you're so enthusiastic about planting all these trees again but, what’s the point? Aren’t you going to just do it all again? Why should I give you these seeds? I said I wouldn’t do it again and that I promise like I did last time.

Then I was falling through the hole again and I fell to the other side where all the rain and destruction was but this time I fell and probably washed away into darkness and the unknown where the rain is evaporated again with heat or something.

Then I was back with the garden owner and woke up before he had anything to say and a huge shiver came down my spine.