monsterhell,

This is not something you should get suicidal about. At this age children do not really understand and they discover themselves and that it feels good. You are looking back on this with a lot more knowledge then you had then so you must not condemn yourself so much. We are designed to be sexual by nature as nature itself is about procreation. It is normal to discover this part of ourselves and some discover this at surprisingly young ages too without really knowing what it means. You are just human and not evil or bad.