Quote:
Originally Posted by Boatie McBoatface
I was put on 80 mg of Prozac for panic attacks when I was 19 and now I’m 42. It was way way too high a dose but because the drug takes so long to kick in, I always thought the side effects were just who I was. It brought with it generalized anxiety, hypersexuality, hypervigiliance, and has screwed affected my non-career and my relationships. I’m trying to wean off my meds (I’m down to 10 mg) and I feel like my drug has snared me in a noose I can’t get out of.
Career: I was way too anxious on the drug (and constantly racing to the toilet) on to hold down any kind of job so I became a freelance gaming writer because the games also helped with the anxiety. But now that I’m weaning off the meds I’ve lost most of my interest in games. I’ve moved back in with my parents temporarily while I go through the protracted drug withdrawal. I feel a bit better every day but I still feel awful most of the time. Restless and anxious and just hoping this is a cocoon I’ll emerge from one day.
Relationships: The drug made me hypersexual and terribly anxious at the same time (like stepping on the gas and brake at once). I tried to date women to boost my self-worth but most of the time I just ran away because I would have panic attacks. I ended up dating one of the women even though I wasn’t attracted to her. I tried getting out of the relationship but I couldn’t face the obsessive thoughts about being a total jerk every time I tried to break it off, so we stayed together for five years. Once I got out of the relationship and I started reducing the meds, I went on dating sites compulsively. Then once the hypersexuality melted away, I lost interest in dating. The thought of going on a dating site now makes my skin crawl and I’ve deleted all my accounts.
Thoughts of the Future: I’m 42 and back at home. I feel like I’m trapped. My biggest fear is that once my parents pass away I’ll throw in the towel and jump off a bridge because I have so little to live for: no career, no girlfriend, no pet, no real responsibilities, just a bottle of Prozac I’m trying to wean off. My psychiatrist is on a six week vacation and I’m not sure what to do with myself. I spend most of my time trying to stay out of my parents’ way and floating in a pool in the early evening. The guys there seem so effortless with the girls and they all talk about jobs and trips.
Does anyone have any suggestions? When I was on 15 mg I was strong enough to book a trip to New York, but the drug withdrawal kicked in and I spent most of the trip in tears. It’s been a downhill slide ever since. I used to practice the guitar every morning and work on my writing, but now I just want to sleep and be left alone.
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Boatie
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It seems your reactions are somewhat similar to mine, I've taken prozac years ago and other kinds of antidepressants/anxiolytic and all of them over a period of like 2 months would mean trouble.
Real trouble. I don't want to make diagnosis but my own was that of bipolar and still my doctor insisted in giving me the antidepressants.
It turns out that I can't take these, I'm part of the unlucky few people that triggers mania with these types of drugs. And to me, what you describe seems like mania.
Have you tried talking to you doctor about considering the bipolar diagnosis?
Hipersexuality and all that, things you mentioned are all related/part of mania, even if yours may or not be as strong as mine was. Mine would also lead to violence and suicidal thoughts and few almost attempts(as there were people around to stop me).
To think you've been taking these for so long...
I was in a nightmare rollercoaster for about 4 years and I still can't forget the trauma it has caused me. It's been like 6 years without mania now, since 2011, of almost peace if it wasn't because of the depression that got terribly worse after the collateral effects of antidepressants(it simply gave me more reasons to be sad and the memories of all that happened to me). The only way a different doctor could help me was feeding me many meds to settle me down, but 0% antidepressants and ever since(maybe it took a whole year to fix me) it has been 6 years of just 2 pills of carbamazepine a day 200mg or one of 400 tegretol cr.
Before, I'd get okay and then ruin my life any time my previous doc would prescribe and increase the dose of antidepressants. After I was clean of the antidepressants(and I mean taking the prescribed dose, I never did more than the prescribed), mania never happened again. No hypersexuality, no being ashamed, no acting insane. It all even started with antidepressants.
And I know these work for some, but not for me and some other people I've come to hear about through research.
After my life was on tracks again I couldn't really build anything because of the tremendous fear of it coming back again and it took time to build that confidence, that things would be fine and that I wouldn't destroy it again. Then a year went by, another, and another... and I was relieved it had stopped.
Honestly, I feel for you and think you should consider that you may be facing similar issues to mine. And if this is the case, your doctor ought to quit all antidepressants and place other meds.
(After my first mania episode back in 2006(already induced by antidepressants as I was being treated for only depression) I got my bipolar diagnosis and then I'd take many pills like lithium and risperidone to stop mania and cinetol to stop the side effects and then once "sane" my first doctor would leave only to lithium but then she'd feel me to slow, not enough to her standard of normalcy and then start prescribing antidepressants. And after these antidepressants the cycle would start over. Mania, being insane, feeding me lots of meds to stop, then only lithium, then I'm too slow, let's cheer you up to normal, then it starts over, and over, and over. I guess she meant well or was just stubborn? But in the end she brought me many scars and memories that haunt me to this day, a million more reasons to be depressed. Really, it took another doctor to take me away from this cycle.)
I hope you heal.
Just take my story into consideration and maybe mention to your doctor, I'm hoping he will help you.